instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just found a bag of teeth...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
