Whatcha textin bout Willis?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
