i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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