you traded sex for a burrito?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
