I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
