his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
