It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
