from now on my penis is your penis
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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