If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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