I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
