I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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