i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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