Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
