Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
