In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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