1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
