Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
