i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
