I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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