I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
