Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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