so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
