The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
