i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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