i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
