I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Houston, we have a blender
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
