remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
