i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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