i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
