there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
