A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
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Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.