Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You smell like stripper and shame
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence