I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"