take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she smelled like a LAN party
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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