i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
