Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
