I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
