I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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