So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
