That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
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I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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