Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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