and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
