I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
