tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
