I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
