i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
