I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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