ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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