I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
