thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
last night I used snow as a chaser
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