dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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