Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
