I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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