Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we're making bets on your personal life
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
