nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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