..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
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I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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