he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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