i was rollin on her like bob the builder
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
