it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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