I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
