I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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