Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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