While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
