And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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