Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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