The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
