it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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